Phone Call

I had a rather interesting experience today.  Lately I've been feeling kind of spiritually disconnected.  I'm not really sure why, but I've attempted different things to try and remedy it.  It was sort of working.  I just felt like I needed a more concrete way of knowing Heavenly Father was aware of me and my struggle. 

Anyway, I was holding my phone this morning and I accidentally dialed someone.  I immediately hung up and didn't think much more of it. I mean, how many times does that happen?  This person called me back and I missed the call, so I figured I had better call and explain.  I called her up.  She was having a hard day and we had a really good conversation. 

After I hung up, I was happy I was able to be there for this person, and suddenly I realized that my "accidental" dial wasn't so accidental at all.  I was needed, so I was able to serve and be a friend for someone I love very much.

The Lord loves us and watches over us.  He knows us.  To know Him, we just need to listen.

Taking Care and Other Things

My routine doesn't change much from day to day.  Sometimes it's easy to get lost in it.  Motivation is sometimes hard to come by.  Lately, I have been combatting this inevitable crash with my lists.  It seems silly, but adding something simple to the list for the day seems to help me out of my funk and nag me to get my to do list done.  It doesn't work for me if it's not an actual, written out, list.  It's so odd that a few words on paper or on my phone screen can make such a difference!

I guess this is a product of my OCD.  Being able to "control" the little things makes me feel more secure about the big things.  If I can control my little corner of the world, then I guess my corner can't fall apart.  I know that logic is flawed, but it's how someone who has OCD thinks.  At least that's how it manifests in my particular case.  Keeping my thinking in a linear pattern, not a circular one, is a real effort some days.  The list seems to help.  Going through the motions seems to help, even if I don't feel like it.  Going to the gym definitely helps.  I'm a lot less anxious afterward.

I've been trying to take care of myself better.   If I'm taken care of, then it will be easier for me to do my job as Mommy.  Going to the gym has been a key part in this.  I know I've lost some inches/weight, but I'm not sure how much...the kids somehow changed the scale to kilograms and I can't figure out how to change it back.  I'm also too lazy to calculate what 2.2 x whatever kilograms to get my weight. 

So today, this item is checked off my list.  Now on to the next item.

My Job

With the election coming up, there have been a lot of words slung back and forth from both parties.  One more recent addition to the slinging was a statement made by Hilary Rosen of CNN.  When discussing whether or not Ann Romney, Mitt Romney's wife, was knowledgeable enough to address economic issues of women with her husband, Ms. Rosen said that Ann hadn't worked "a day in her life."  Such a stupid statement, but it shows the true colors of some women out there.  Ann Romney stayed at home to raise her five boys and went to school at night.  If that isn't work, I don't know what is.

It seems like every time there is a discussion about a woman staying home with her children, especially with some in the media, it is either something where the women are uneducated, don't know any better, or are lazy somehow.  I don't get that.  Aren't they supposed to be feminists?  Aren't they supposed to support any woman's right to choose how she lives her life?

I choose to be a mother to my children as my primary job.  Believe me, it is a lot of work.  I love my kids.  I do other things on the side for myself like going to the gym, reading extensively, and even doing a bit of work from home.  I still maintain though, my primary job is being a mother.  I hate that somehow I'm viewed as less by some because I choose to be at home with my children.  It was my choice.  I wanted to do it.  Just because I'm at home, doesn't mean I'm any less informed about the issues in politics, economics, or the world in general.  I watch the news, read about current events and try to educate myself about all sorts of different things.  Just because I'm not out "in the workforce" doesn't make me out of touch with the world.  I still exist!  I still have opinions that matter!

Our family is not rich by any means.  When we set out to begin our family, it was in our plan for me to stay home with our children to raise them.  We don't have nannies.  We don't have a housekeeper.  I'm the mom.  Dan is a wonderful help with the kids.  We're a team when he is home, and when he's at work, it's me.  I don't live a life of leisure without a care in the world.  It's hard work to make sure a household runs smoothly and that your children are learning/doing the right things.  It's very rewarding, but it's still hard...especially when you've got a sick kid at 3:00 a.m. to take care of.  It was my choice to live this way.  I love it! 

I'm all for choice.  If you're a woman who works outside the home, that's great!  More power to you!  I have no problem with it.  There are some mothers who choose to work and there are some who have to work due to economic reasons.  You do the best with what you've got.  What I have a problem with is the slinging of words about my choice.  I don't begrudge you for working out in the world, don't begrudge me for working at building my family as my primary occupation.  We all work hard.  We should be banding together as women and humanity to lift one another up, not tear each other down about our differences. 

Overdrive

My mind is running on overdrive right now.  I'm not really sure why, but I seem to be hypersensitive to everything around me. 

OCD is not fun.  It's not even stereotypical clean freak type stuff all the time.  Sometimes it's just being frozen by the constant string of thoughts you're being bombarded with.  It doesn't make sense.  It doesn't use logic.  It can be all encompassing. 

People are talking about mental illness more and more, but there's still a stigma associated with it.  Sometimes I wish I had a "real" illness that people could understand.  I wish it would behave logically.  There are a lot of wishes there.

Oh well, such is life.  You do the best with what you've got.

Invigorated

I am so happy that spring is finally here.  Even though we got a bit of snow today, the first in a long while, it has now melted and temperatures look to be in the 60s at least tomorrow and even warmer on Sunday.  I've missed the sun.  I'm not a person that tans in the backyard, I'm far to pale for that, but just having that warmth and light again makes for such a better sense of well being.  It leaves me feeling energized.

Easter is this Sunday.  I was thinking about the seasons thing today and spring is a very fitting time to have Easter.  We celebrate Christ being resurrected and are inherently reminded of it everywhere we look in the spring.  Flowers are coming out, trees are blooming, and most important of all, the sun is finally shining.  Christ is our light in this world spiritually and how fitting that we have spring to remind us daily in nature how bright that light truly is.

Happy Easter everyone!