Well, not a whole lot is going on here. I think the Clomid is working. I've cleaned my house top to bottom over the last three days, always a sign of the ever present nesting instinct I get when I'm about to ovulate. I got my blood test results back and they pretty much confirmed that I've got PCOS. At least I know for sure what's going on and we can work on correcting it now.
We had a lot of fun this weekend. We got a new dresser and some nightstands at IKEA with our tax return. We actually have room in our dresser to store our clothing! Imagine that! I love that store! Dan and I also went out for Valentine's Day for the first time in like 4 years. He always has to work. We even went to a girl movie, "He's Just Not That Into You." It was really nice to get out and have time just to ourselves.
On the potty training front, I'm still fighting the war. I haven't surrendered yet. Ethan figured out the loophole in the whole Pull-Ups over the underwear thing and started to not care again. I just got fed up and decided to only do Pull-Ups at night and naps. That's it. He has been pretty good about going in the potty. Fingers crossed this isn't going to take too much longer.
Another good thing that his happening...I think, is me working on some of my control issues. Yes, I know that being the one to add up the numbers and send out checks after we get paid will not save the world, but it has been something that I have had to control for far too long. We're working together on it now instead of me just telling Dan how it is. That should be an adventure in and of itself. I am a control freak. Maybe now I'll just be one in recovery.
Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Adjustments
This week thus far has been full of adjustments. I started my cycle on Sunday so I went in on Tuesday for my blood draw and glucose test. I hate the glucose test! You have to fast and then drink this orange soda that basically is like drinking syrup. I made it to the doctor though, thanks to Dan. I got my blood taken and now we're waiting. I should have the results soon. The tested me for a few things, basically they want to see where I'm at with my hormones. I also started on Metformin on Tuesday. It's a diabetes drug that will help with PCOS symptoms and get my body to do what it's supposed to do. However, you have to work up to the full dose, gradually working it in because, as I found out the hard way, you'll get sick if you don't. It's bearable, but just barely. I talked to the nurse this morning and she gave me instructions on how to ramp up the dose and how quickly to do it. I think it will help.
Also, I'm a genius! I've been working on potty training Ethan for a long time. My big problem was that he just doesn't care if he sits in his own filth. Pull-Ups and diapers are too comfortable and underwear leaked everywhere when we tried it and made him feel bad because he made a mess on the floor. Solution? Put the underwear UNDER the Pull-Ups. That way he can feel when he has had an accident and start to care that he's wet/dirty, but I'm not scrubbing the floors/couches/rugs and washing clothing every five minutes. I think this may work. I'm hoping. Maybe some of you who are having similar troubles with potty training could try this and let me know how it works for you. So far so good here. Ethan has the boosted confidence of being a "big boy" by wearing underwear, but he's not getting upset and discouraged when he has an accident. I think that was the major hurdle for us. He didn't want to try because he didn't think he could do it. He just needs some confidence. I'll let you know how this latest approach works as the days roll on for us.
Finally, I'm excited to be basically over my cold! This ends the week plus quarantine. I can finally go out and have some fun again. Ethan and I are going to hang out with Jenny and the kids tomorrow. He has really missed them. I think it will be fun. I've missed hanging out with Jenny too! I'm just happy to be healthy again.
Also, I'm a genius! I've been working on potty training Ethan for a long time. My big problem was that he just doesn't care if he sits in his own filth. Pull-Ups and diapers are too comfortable and underwear leaked everywhere when we tried it and made him feel bad because he made a mess on the floor. Solution? Put the underwear UNDER the Pull-Ups. That way he can feel when he has had an accident and start to care that he's wet/dirty, but I'm not scrubbing the floors/couches/rugs and washing clothing every five minutes. I think this may work. I'm hoping. Maybe some of you who are having similar troubles with potty training could try this and let me know how it works for you. So far so good here. Ethan has the boosted confidence of being a "big boy" by wearing underwear, but he's not getting upset and discouraged when he has an accident. I think that was the major hurdle for us. He didn't want to try because he didn't think he could do it. He just needs some confidence. I'll let you know how this latest approach works as the days roll on for us.
Finally, I'm excited to be basically over my cold! This ends the week plus quarantine. I can finally go out and have some fun again. Ethan and I are going to hang out with Jenny and the kids tomorrow. He has really missed them. I think it will be fun. I've missed hanging out with Jenny too! I'm just happy to be healthy again.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Where Have I Been?
Well, let's see. It's been a little while since I posted. Part of that is because I've been sick all week long! Yay for me! Thank goodness for takeout...I mean seriously, when you are sick you just don't want to do anything, but there's this thing...kids like to eat their meals. Needless to say our family took full advantage of takeout this week. Hopefully things are back to normal soon. I'm still sick, but I'm not hacking up a lung, so we're good here.
On the fertility front, things are in a waiting pattern as of now. I think I'll be starting my cycle soon so that means I get to go in for that blood draw sometime this week. We're doing it on day 3 to see what my hormone levels are. I also get to take the glucose test. I hate that test. I don't think I'll be able to drink orange soda for a while after I do it. That stuff is NASTY!
Jenny and I were talking about the whole PCOS diagnosis thing the other day. She brought up the fact that maybe it was something that needed to happen. I tend to agree. While it's not fun dealing with the issues, I'm sure I've had these issues for quite some time, not just recently. I would've had to deal with them sooner or later. PCOS can cause other problems down the road like a higher risk for uteran cancer, diabetes, etc. I don't want to go down that road. I'd much rather manage it now and avoid that whole thing. I think I am blessed.
A lot of times, people only think they're "blessed" if good things are happening to them. As I've grown older, and I hope wiser, I've come to see that's not the case at all. We're blessed all the time, even when things are bad. Heavenly Father is always there to help us and lift us when we need it. He blesses us in the good times, but he also blesses us in the bad times. I think I'm blessed to have this diagnosis. At least I know what's wrong and I can attempt to fix it. I will be healthier when all of this is finished. It's like the bible says, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." (Eccl. 3:1). Is it my season yet? Well, not quite yet, but there are steps to be taken in everything. This is just a step along in my life. It's not my WHOLE life.
Speaking of life, today we finally got out of the house! We had a family party at Dan's dad's house with the whole Hufstetler side of the family. We also had a baby shower for my niece who is due in a few weeks. She got so many cute things for the baby! I crocheted a sweater and hat for her. It's similar to the one I did for Rachel's baby, but the flowers are a bit different. Anyway, it was nice to be out of the house and hanging out with the family. I'm grateful that they've truly become my family. I feel comfortable around them. I love them. They love me and have accepted me, which is a great feeling. I know people don't always have warm fuzzies for their in laws, so it's really nice for us. Ethan had a great time. He loves playing with his cousins. He played so hard he actually fell asleep on the way home. It was so nice. I just brought him home and put him to bed.
All in all, it was a good day. I was blessed today.
On the fertility front, things are in a waiting pattern as of now. I think I'll be starting my cycle soon so that means I get to go in for that blood draw sometime this week. We're doing it on day 3 to see what my hormone levels are. I also get to take the glucose test. I hate that test. I don't think I'll be able to drink orange soda for a while after I do it. That stuff is NASTY!
Jenny and I were talking about the whole PCOS diagnosis thing the other day. She brought up the fact that maybe it was something that needed to happen. I tend to agree. While it's not fun dealing with the issues, I'm sure I've had these issues for quite some time, not just recently. I would've had to deal with them sooner or later. PCOS can cause other problems down the road like a higher risk for uteran cancer, diabetes, etc. I don't want to go down that road. I'd much rather manage it now and avoid that whole thing. I think I am blessed.
A lot of times, people only think they're "blessed" if good things are happening to them. As I've grown older, and I hope wiser, I've come to see that's not the case at all. We're blessed all the time, even when things are bad. Heavenly Father is always there to help us and lift us when we need it. He blesses us in the good times, but he also blesses us in the bad times. I think I'm blessed to have this diagnosis. At least I know what's wrong and I can attempt to fix it. I will be healthier when all of this is finished. It's like the bible says, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." (Eccl. 3:1). Is it my season yet? Well, not quite yet, but there are steps to be taken in everything. This is just a step along in my life. It's not my WHOLE life.
Speaking of life, today we finally got out of the house! We had a family party at Dan's dad's house with the whole Hufstetler side of the family. We also had a baby shower for my niece who is due in a few weeks. She got so many cute things for the baby! I crocheted a sweater and hat for her. It's similar to the one I did for Rachel's baby, but the flowers are a bit different. Anyway, it was nice to be out of the house and hanging out with the family. I'm grateful that they've truly become my family. I feel comfortable around them. I love them. They love me and have accepted me, which is a great feeling. I know people don't always have warm fuzzies for their in laws, so it's really nice for us. Ethan had a great time. He loves playing with his cousins. He played so hard he actually fell asleep on the way home. It was so nice. I just brought him home and put him to bed.
All in all, it was a good day. I was blessed today.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Looking Forward
Well, the doctor's visit was yesterday. I have to say, I'm feeling pretty okay about things...not great, but okay. The doctor thinks, based on my clinical symptoms, that I have some form of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). We'll know more when we do some blood testing throughout my cycle, but it's looking like that's what I have. Basically, PCOS is a problem where your pancreas makes too much insulin because your body isn't processing it correctly. This, in turn, makes your testosterone levels rise and your estrogen and progesterone levels decrease, thus causing fertility problems. There are treatments to be done for it. One I'm already doing, taking better care of myself by eating well, trying to lose weight, and exercising. There is also a medication, actually a diabetes medication, that we'll be trying as well.
Speaking of weight loss...I lost another two pounds this last week! That puts my grand total from when I started on January 5 up to 10 pounds. It's so exciting. Hopefully I can keep things up. I'm doing my part of it, making sure to eat right, making sure to get to the gym, etc. Hopefully that continues to work.
As for me, I had a good cry last night. I'm sure there will be more tears in the future. My tears were not necessarily because of this diagnosis...I had suspicions of it before we even went to the doctor...it was more the fact that I even had to go down this road. Right now, I'm doing okay, but I'm sure I'll have good days and bad days. I know with continued faith in the Lord I can make it through. I really hope that a baby is at the end of all of this, but if there isn't, I'm incredibly lucky to have Ethan.
Now, we're looking forward, inducing a cycle, getting blood tests, doing the glorious glucose test (blah), and starting new medications. At the end of this, I'll at least be healthier than I am now, and that's always a good thing.
Speaking of weight loss...I lost another two pounds this last week! That puts my grand total from when I started on January 5 up to 10 pounds. It's so exciting. Hopefully I can keep things up. I'm doing my part of it, making sure to eat right, making sure to get to the gym, etc. Hopefully that continues to work.
As for me, I had a good cry last night. I'm sure there will be more tears in the future. My tears were not necessarily because of this diagnosis...I had suspicions of it before we even went to the doctor...it was more the fact that I even had to go down this road. Right now, I'm doing okay, but I'm sure I'll have good days and bad days. I know with continued faith in the Lord I can make it through. I really hope that a baby is at the end of all of this, but if there isn't, I'm incredibly lucky to have Ethan.
Now, we're looking forward, inducing a cycle, getting blood tests, doing the glorious glucose test (blah), and starting new medications. At the end of this, I'll at least be healthier than I am now, and that's always a good thing.
Friday, January 23, 2009
The Road Ahead
Have you ever been on a path in life afraid to move forward? Right now, that's where I am. I'm living unaware of what is going on within my body. I know the symptoms and I know the consequences, but as of Monday, I'll know what is going on...and to be honest, that scares me a little.
On Monday, I'm going in to the (DUN, DUN, DUN) reproductive endocrinologist, which is just fancy talk for...hormone doctor. There are symptoms I'm having, I know, as a result of my hormones being out of whack...the least of which is weird sweating and a sudden goatee...okay it's not that bad, but you know what I mean. Also, this hormone imbalance, I believe, is the root cause of me not being able to get pregnant over the last 15 months.
Infertility can really be a touchy subject. I've never been bitter about it, but I've been angry sometimes. I don't get angry with people, I'm more angry about the fact that I even have to go down this road. It comes and goes. As of right now, I'm pretty much at peace with it. I have a hard time every now and then, but if having another child is not in the cards for me, I'm okay with that. I'm happy with Ethan and our little family.
Sometimes when people are in my "situation" they get what Liz lovingly refers to as "baby rage." Basically, they get mad at anyone who is pregnant or has recently just had a baby because that person has what they want and can't have. I've actually heard of this a lot in talking with people. I've heard of friends and family members being afraid to tell others that they're pregnant because they don't want to hurt the "baby rager's" feelings or incur their wrath. I've personally never been that way. When I find out someone is pregnant, which happens a lot with people I know because of my age, I'm genuinely happy for them...and just a teensy tiny bit sad for me. I'd be lying if I said otherwise...and we all know everyone tells the truth on the Internet.
Personally, I know it's not my time to have a child right now. If that time never comes for me, then I'll be sad, but it will be okay. How could I miss out on Ethan's wonderful little heart by sulking in something that I couldn't change? How could I miss out on his little quirks like adopting his Mega Blocks construction worker guy as his "baby" or him telling me that his blankets "really aren't working" when he gets them tangled up? I couldn't do that to him or to me. Why miss out on something so wonderful. He'll only be this little once.
So, on Monday, I go in to this appointment. I'm hoping they'll at least tell me they can fix me or make the symptoms go away. If I get pregnant, so be it. It's such a relief to let go of that control, or percieved control, that I thought I had over this whole thing. It's in God's hands now. He sent me a beautiful little boy who I'm so grateful for (yes, even when he's making me crazy...okay maybe not in that moment but in reflection later). How could I cheapen that gift by worrying about something that I can't do anything about.
For those women out there who are pregnant right now, I'm so happy for you. You're bringing a little one into this world. You get to help guide and direct him, you get to enjoy him, but most of all you get to love him.
As for me, I'll keep my fingers crossed that they can find out what's wrong with my hormone levels. At least then I'll have an answer...not sure if I want one, that's kind of scary, but I think it will be good.
On Monday, I'm going in to the (DUN, DUN, DUN) reproductive endocrinologist, which is just fancy talk for...hormone doctor. There are symptoms I'm having, I know, as a result of my hormones being out of whack...the least of which is weird sweating and a sudden goatee...okay it's not that bad, but you know what I mean. Also, this hormone imbalance, I believe, is the root cause of me not being able to get pregnant over the last 15 months.
Infertility can really be a touchy subject. I've never been bitter about it, but I've been angry sometimes. I don't get angry with people, I'm more angry about the fact that I even have to go down this road. It comes and goes. As of right now, I'm pretty much at peace with it. I have a hard time every now and then, but if having another child is not in the cards for me, I'm okay with that. I'm happy with Ethan and our little family.
Sometimes when people are in my "situation" they get what Liz lovingly refers to as "baby rage." Basically, they get mad at anyone who is pregnant or has recently just had a baby because that person has what they want and can't have. I've actually heard of this a lot in talking with people. I've heard of friends and family members being afraid to tell others that they're pregnant because they don't want to hurt the "baby rager's" feelings or incur their wrath. I've personally never been that way. When I find out someone is pregnant, which happens a lot with people I know because of my age, I'm genuinely happy for them...and just a teensy tiny bit sad for me. I'd be lying if I said otherwise...and we all know everyone tells the truth on the Internet.
Personally, I know it's not my time to have a child right now. If that time never comes for me, then I'll be sad, but it will be okay. How could I miss out on Ethan's wonderful little heart by sulking in something that I couldn't change? How could I miss out on his little quirks like adopting his Mega Blocks construction worker guy as his "baby" or him telling me that his blankets "really aren't working" when he gets them tangled up? I couldn't do that to him or to me. Why miss out on something so wonderful. He'll only be this little once.
So, on Monday, I go in to this appointment. I'm hoping they'll at least tell me they can fix me or make the symptoms go away. If I get pregnant, so be it. It's such a relief to let go of that control, or percieved control, that I thought I had over this whole thing. It's in God's hands now. He sent me a beautiful little boy who I'm so grateful for (yes, even when he's making me crazy...okay maybe not in that moment but in reflection later). How could I cheapen that gift by worrying about something that I can't do anything about.
For those women out there who are pregnant right now, I'm so happy for you. You're bringing a little one into this world. You get to help guide and direct him, you get to enjoy him, but most of all you get to love him.
As for me, I'll keep my fingers crossed that they can find out what's wrong with my hormone levels. At least then I'll have an answer...not sure if I want one, that's kind of scary, but I think it will be good.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Soul Searching
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've been thinking about where I am in my life, where I want to be in my life, my faith, my family, and Heavenly Father's plan for me. I know that God only gives us what we can handle. I know I'll get pregnant eventually, but I'm content right now knowing that I'm following the plan God has for me. It's just not time yet. Sounds simple, but it took a lot of work internally to come to that realization. It's funny, I was just asking, "Why me?" a few days ago, and now I guess I got my answer.
I know in my heart that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church on this Earth. I know that God loves me personally and knows me personally. He knows me better than I even know myself. I know that, when the time is right, we'll bring another little one into our family. The time is just not right, right now. That's not to say that we're stopping trying or anything. I want to give Him every opportunity to allow me to become a mother for a second time. The road of infertility can be frustrating and taxing on the spirit. We get frustrated because we don't know everything right now and because we can't have everything fixed right now. That's human nature I guess....at least it is for me. I'll continue on with my plans to get whatever it is that is not happening with my body to happen, but I've decided I'm not going to stress out about it anymore. It's too much work! Stress takes a real toll on me. Besides, I've got other things to do. I've decided I'm too busy for stressing out over this anymore. I know that I'm a Daughter of God. He loves me for who I am now and who I will be in the future. He knows my impatient spirit and I'm sure he gets a good chuckle out of it sometimes. If that's one thing I'm supposed to learn in this life, it's patience. It's not one of my strong suits.
Anyway, if this sounds rambling, I'm sorry. It's 12:40 a.m. and I should be in bed, but obviously I'm not...I'm typing. I was just thinking this and sometimes things seem so clear in a quiet house with my boys asleep in bed. I wanted to write it down before I forgot it, which is likely given my sleep deprived state. I had a clearing of my mind tonight. I don't believe that was coincidence...it was an answer to prayers. I finally know the why...however simple it is.
I know in my heart that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church on this Earth. I know that God loves me personally and knows me personally. He knows me better than I even know myself. I know that, when the time is right, we'll bring another little one into our family. The time is just not right, right now. That's not to say that we're stopping trying or anything. I want to give Him every opportunity to allow me to become a mother for a second time. The road of infertility can be frustrating and taxing on the spirit. We get frustrated because we don't know everything right now and because we can't have everything fixed right now. That's human nature I guess....at least it is for me. I'll continue on with my plans to get whatever it is that is not happening with my body to happen, but I've decided I'm not going to stress out about it anymore. It's too much work! Stress takes a real toll on me. Besides, I've got other things to do. I've decided I'm too busy for stressing out over this anymore. I know that I'm a Daughter of God. He loves me for who I am now and who I will be in the future. He knows my impatient spirit and I'm sure he gets a good chuckle out of it sometimes. If that's one thing I'm supposed to learn in this life, it's patience. It's not one of my strong suits.
Anyway, if this sounds rambling, I'm sorry. It's 12:40 a.m. and I should be in bed, but obviously I'm not...I'm typing. I was just thinking this and sometimes things seem so clear in a quiet house with my boys asleep in bed. I wanted to write it down before I forgot it, which is likely given my sleep deprived state. I had a clearing of my mind tonight. I don't believe that was coincidence...it was an answer to prayers. I finally know the why...however simple it is.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
In Case You're Wondering....
About my last post...I'm just frustrated. I'm frustrated with the whole infertility thing. My body has had a child before, why can't it do it again? What am I supposed to be learning from this? Why is it that druggie women who have had four children taken away from them can have yet a fifth drug addicted baby? I don't know the answers to any of these questions and that is what is so frustrating. I guess that's why I'm here on this Earth, to learn answers to questions. I just don't understand why, if He has control over everything, He can't or won't fix this for me. I guess that's horrible to say, but that's how I feel about it.
As for my post yesterday, I had just gotten off the phone with the nurse at my doctor's office. She happily informed me that she would call in my prescription of Clomid with one more refill beyond this. After that, I'll be referred to a "fertility specialist." So the clock is ticking. I do NOT want to enter that world of fertility shots, more drugs, etc. Why can't it just happen?
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for my life. I'm grateful for my family and I'm grateful for my son. I'm trying to see the positive things in life, but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to feel frustrated every now and then. This world of "unexplained infertility" is not an easy world to live in. The fact is, it's not the world I would've chosen to live in.
The other night Dan and I were talking about this very thing. I think in order to be happy I have to just look at other things. Yes, I can still be upset about this challenge in my life, but it's not good for me, for Dan, or for Ethan for me to dwell on it all of the time. I can't let it take over my life. If I do, I'll be miserable and no good to anyone.
Does this mean I'm giving up on getting pregnant? Nope. I'm still going to do everything the doctors tell me to do. I'm still going to take the pills and whatever else they give me to take. I'm still going to watch and wait and hope each month. I've just got to figure out a way not to get discouraged and devastated each month when it doesn't happen. Will I ever figure that out? I don't know. Again, this life experience is all about answering questions.
I have faith that someday I will be pregnant and have a child again. I know in my heart that someday it will happen. Someday can't come soon enough for me now though. I'm trying to be patient, but it isn't in my genetics to be so.
Here's hoping for some answers...
As for my post yesterday, I had just gotten off the phone with the nurse at my doctor's office. She happily informed me that she would call in my prescription of Clomid with one more refill beyond this. After that, I'll be referred to a "fertility specialist." So the clock is ticking. I do NOT want to enter that world of fertility shots, more drugs, etc. Why can't it just happen?
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for my life. I'm grateful for my family and I'm grateful for my son. I'm trying to see the positive things in life, but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to feel frustrated every now and then. This world of "unexplained infertility" is not an easy world to live in. The fact is, it's not the world I would've chosen to live in.
The other night Dan and I were talking about this very thing. I think in order to be happy I have to just look at other things. Yes, I can still be upset about this challenge in my life, but it's not good for me, for Dan, or for Ethan for me to dwell on it all of the time. I can't let it take over my life. If I do, I'll be miserable and no good to anyone.
Does this mean I'm giving up on getting pregnant? Nope. I'm still going to do everything the doctors tell me to do. I'm still going to take the pills and whatever else they give me to take. I'm still going to watch and wait and hope each month. I've just got to figure out a way not to get discouraged and devastated each month when it doesn't happen. Will I ever figure that out? I don't know. Again, this life experience is all about answering questions.
I have faith that someday I will be pregnant and have a child again. I know in my heart that someday it will happen. Someday can't come soon enough for me now though. I'm trying to be patient, but it isn't in my genetics to be so.
Here's hoping for some answers...
Monday, September 29, 2008
We're Doomed...
If we suddenly had a nuclear hollocaust today and I was the last woman on Earth...and it was up to me to save the human race....we'd be doomed.
That is all.
That is all.
Friday, September 26, 2008
My Week...
Besides being an emotional wreck, things have been pretty good this week. I'm on the up swing with emotions one minute and a down swing the next, so either I'm crazy, going to start my period, or pregnant. I have yet to find out which of these are the right answer.
Anyway, my O2 sensor went out in my car this week. I had the dreaded "Service Engine Soon" light come on in my car. The first thought that went through my mind, after the initial dread that the light going on brings, was, "We just serviced the engine by buying a new one? What could it need now?" Anyway, my dad and his friend Frank (who were both awesome for coming over on short notice) came over and hooked Frank's diagnostic computer up to my car. Frank is a mechanic, and a very good one, so I was glad they came over. Low and behold, the computer said that the O2 sensor was out. I had called Big O Tires earlier in the day to find out what it would cost for at least a diagnostic with the computer, $79.99. I said I thought it was my O2 sensor, they said that would probably be around $175, including the $79.00 in that price. Needless to say, I was a little stressed. We just don't have that kind of money right now to plop down. Anyway, after Frank diagnosed the car for us, my dad was able to hook me up with the part for a great price of $45 and Dan put it in this morning. Thank goodness for the handy men in my life. I know that's something I couldn't have done on my own. Now our "dependable" car is dependable again.
We went to the circus on Wednesday night. Ethan had a really great time. He was a little overwhelmed when we first took him in though. It was just too loud and there were lights and stuff. He didn't really remember going from last year, I think. He loved the tigers. He also loved the motorcycles in the sphere. My mom spoiled him, of course, and got him one of those lights. This year, it was the one with the motorcycles in the sphere...he took it to bed with him. It was really nice to go out as a family. Dan hasn't really ever gotten to do anything like that with us before. It's usually just Ethan and I. We had a really fun time. I haven't uploaded the pics from my camera yet, but I'll post them as soon as I do. I think we're going to make the circus a yearly tradition at my house, especially if KSL keeps sponsoring the first night and making all the seats $10. We had really great seats in the lower bowl!
All in all, this week has been pretty good. We've just been hanging out trying to do our normal things. We did the shopping last night at Sam's Club, which Ethan loves. I got to watch the new episode of The Office last night and the new ER, both of which made me immensely happy, especially The Office. Awesome!!!
Here's to praying my emotions stay on the up swing...
Anyway, my O2 sensor went out in my car this week. I had the dreaded "Service Engine Soon" light come on in my car. The first thought that went through my mind, after the initial dread that the light going on brings, was, "We just serviced the engine by buying a new one? What could it need now?" Anyway, my dad and his friend Frank (who were both awesome for coming over on short notice) came over and hooked Frank's diagnostic computer up to my car. Frank is a mechanic, and a very good one, so I was glad they came over. Low and behold, the computer said that the O2 sensor was out. I had called Big O Tires earlier in the day to find out what it would cost for at least a diagnostic with the computer, $79.99. I said I thought it was my O2 sensor, they said that would probably be around $175, including the $79.00 in that price. Needless to say, I was a little stressed. We just don't have that kind of money right now to plop down. Anyway, after Frank diagnosed the car for us, my dad was able to hook me up with the part for a great price of $45 and Dan put it in this morning. Thank goodness for the handy men in my life. I know that's something I couldn't have done on my own. Now our "dependable" car is dependable again.
We went to the circus on Wednesday night. Ethan had a really great time. He was a little overwhelmed when we first took him in though. It was just too loud and there were lights and stuff. He didn't really remember going from last year, I think. He loved the tigers. He also loved the motorcycles in the sphere. My mom spoiled him, of course, and got him one of those lights. This year, it was the one with the motorcycles in the sphere...he took it to bed with him. It was really nice to go out as a family. Dan hasn't really ever gotten to do anything like that with us before. It's usually just Ethan and I. We had a really fun time. I haven't uploaded the pics from my camera yet, but I'll post them as soon as I do. I think we're going to make the circus a yearly tradition at my house, especially if KSL keeps sponsoring the first night and making all the seats $10. We had really great seats in the lower bowl!
All in all, this week has been pretty good. We've just been hanging out trying to do our normal things. We did the shopping last night at Sam's Club, which Ethan loves. I got to watch the new episode of The Office last night and the new ER, both of which made me immensely happy, especially The Office. Awesome!!!
Here's to praying my emotions stay on the up swing...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The 28th Day...
For those of you who have ever had to "try" to get pregnant, you'll know how significant that day is. Though most women don't have 28 day cycles, it's usually the first day people are like, "Okay, I can test now." I was one of those women this morning. Unfortunately, the result was negative. I don't know if that will change in a few days or if I'll get a visit from dear old "Aunt Flo" in a few days. As they say...the waiting is the hardest part.
A littany of emotions evoke themselves when waiting for that little line to appear...or not appear. I know I want to be pregnant. I know I want to add to our family. There's always the initial disappointment when that line doesn't appear. It seems kind of silly thinking about it objectively though...peeing on a little stick and hovering while waiting to see if it will have a line or not, holding it up to the light, looking at it closely at different angles to see if you can even see a hint of a line.
It's been almost a year since we started trying to have another baby. I feel like I'll have more kids eventually, but I'm afraid I won't. That's a hard position to be in.
Each month, as time passes and my body does or doesn't do what it's supposed to do, I wait. I am grateful for what I have though. I can't imagine going through this not knowing if I would ever have ANY children at all. I've been trying to pass this "waiting" phase with various projects, cleaning, excercising, etc. I've been working on being a better "me." I think that has helped me take some of the focus off of my uterus.
Here's to waiting...
A littany of emotions evoke themselves when waiting for that little line to appear...or not appear. I know I want to be pregnant. I know I want to add to our family. There's always the initial disappointment when that line doesn't appear. It seems kind of silly thinking about it objectively though...peeing on a little stick and hovering while waiting to see if it will have a line or not, holding it up to the light, looking at it closely at different angles to see if you can even see a hint of a line.
It's been almost a year since we started trying to have another baby. I feel like I'll have more kids eventually, but I'm afraid I won't. That's a hard position to be in.
Each month, as time passes and my body does or doesn't do what it's supposed to do, I wait. I am grateful for what I have though. I can't imagine going through this not knowing if I would ever have ANY children at all. I've been trying to pass this "waiting" phase with various projects, cleaning, excercising, etc. I've been working on being a better "me." I think that has helped me take some of the focus off of my uterus.
Here's to waiting...
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
It Has Been A While...
It has been a while since I posted. I'm not really sure why. I guess I haven't been that inspired to write as of late. Things are going okay here. Still frustrated with my body, still plugging along with life. Nothing really has changed in that arena. I'm hoping for a baby soon, but sometimes I wonder what life will be like when that happens. I know it will be life changing...a baby always is, but I just don't see how it will "fit" into my life. Ethan is so much in my life right now, trying to divide time between two doesn't seem possible. I know it is though. Moms do it all of the time. I just hope I get a chance to try.
Dan is still enjoying his job. It has been a bit rough this week so far though...I know it's only Tuesday...but he has been working nights this week and he'll be working nights for the next couple of weeks. This is the first real test of that since clinicals in nursing school. Thankfully, this week he's not doing the overnight shift, just working late...next week he'll do the overnight shift. We'll see how that goes.
Well, back to the daily toil...laundry, housework, cooking, you know...all that stuff. I don't mind doing it so much, especially now that I'm caught up and it's not a mountain of laundry, a mountain of housework, and a ton of cooking. Nobody wants to climb mountains of anything everyday...
Dan is still enjoying his job. It has been a bit rough this week so far though...I know it's only Tuesday...but he has been working nights this week and he'll be working nights for the next couple of weeks. This is the first real test of that since clinicals in nursing school. Thankfully, this week he's not doing the overnight shift, just working late...next week he'll do the overnight shift. We'll see how that goes.
Well, back to the daily toil...laundry, housework, cooking, you know...all that stuff. I don't mind doing it so much, especially now that I'm caught up and it's not a mountain of laundry, a mountain of housework, and a ton of cooking. Nobody wants to climb mountains of anything everyday...
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Endorphins & Waiting
So I'm into week two of going to work out. My plan is to go at least three times each week. I've already met that for this week. I'm probably doing four this week! I love the rush that I get. I can go to the gym in a completely bad mood, ready to rip someone's head off, and then afterward, after working out all of that aggression, I'm calm...I'm happy...I'm out of my own head for once. I has really helped my anxiety/depression stuff. Brain chemistry is an interesting thing that way.
I've been really struggling with some things as of late, especially since a few people around me have gotten what I want, but for some reason can't have yet. A couple of people I know are pregnant right now, not by choice. They're young. I wish them all the best, but it has to be hard when you didn't mean for something like that to happen. I'm having a hard time with it I guess because we have been trying for number two for a while now and my body isn't doing what it's supposed to do. I'm getting to the point where my body is starting to work, but it's just kind of a downer for me when someone who wasn't intending what I desire so badly ends up with the result that I want.
Exercising really seems to quell these feelings, that and reading my scriptures. I haven't read for the past few nights, but I need to get back on that. There has to be a reason why I haven't been blessed with a new baby yet. I just wish I knew that reason so that I could know what's ahead for me. Meanwhile, I'm doing everything I can to help my body along. I think the exercise will help. I'm also still taking the medicine to kick start things. The medicine seems to be working, we just haven't had anything take yet. Such is life I guess. I know we're supposed to have more additions to our family. I've felt that. I guess this is Heavenly Father's way of trying to teach me patience. I don't think I'm learning that anytime soon, but I'm trying. I'm trying to remember that things happen in God's time, not necessarily ours.
Here's to waiting in faith...
I've been really struggling with some things as of late, especially since a few people around me have gotten what I want, but for some reason can't have yet. A couple of people I know are pregnant right now, not by choice. They're young. I wish them all the best, but it has to be hard when you didn't mean for something like that to happen. I'm having a hard time with it I guess because we have been trying for number two for a while now and my body isn't doing what it's supposed to do. I'm getting to the point where my body is starting to work, but it's just kind of a downer for me when someone who wasn't intending what I desire so badly ends up with the result that I want.
Exercising really seems to quell these feelings, that and reading my scriptures. I haven't read for the past few nights, but I need to get back on that. There has to be a reason why I haven't been blessed with a new baby yet. I just wish I knew that reason so that I could know what's ahead for me. Meanwhile, I'm doing everything I can to help my body along. I think the exercise will help. I'm also still taking the medicine to kick start things. The medicine seems to be working, we just haven't had anything take yet. Such is life I guess. I know we're supposed to have more additions to our family. I've felt that. I guess this is Heavenly Father's way of trying to teach me patience. I don't think I'm learning that anytime soon, but I'm trying. I'm trying to remember that things happen in God's time, not necessarily ours.
Here's to waiting in faith...
Monday, June 30, 2008
It's Late...
And I'm doing some work, but decided to take a break from the business world for a moment. I'm just sitting here in the quiet of my office alone with my thoughts. The only sound is the tapping of the keys on the keyboard as I put my thoughts out into cyberspace.
Right now, I'm trying to learn to dance in the rain. Sometimes I think life can be quite rainy. I am a very impatient person. Right now I'm praying that my body will decide to work and do it's job. I really want to add to our little family. Sometimes I'm scared to move forward with that though. You get this little baby, your first one, and you wonder how in the world you could ever have enough love in your heart to love another one as much as you love the first. It's strange. I guess it will work out on its own when I do finally get pregnant and we have another little one in the house, but right now it's just unfathomable to me.
It has been really strange for me having Dan at home. He has been home around 7:00 p.m. or 8:00 p.m. for the most part all of last week and tonight. It's so strange to have him home to be able to eat dinner with us. He hasn't been able to do that for the better part of almost three years. I guess I'll have to start cooking more again. I have gotten away from cooking each night because what's the point when it's you and a toddler...
This Friday is Independence Day. This holiday really means a lot to me and I always look forward to it. I love the festivities, the parades, the fireworks, the food, and being with family. My family always has a HUGE get together on the 4th. We have a great time together and are all exhausted when the day is over. Another part of it, for me anyway, is remembering the wonderful history of this country and how it really is a great place to live. We are allowed to do what we want/need to do in our lives. We are allowed to choose for ourselves. We owe that right of freedom to those who have fought and who are still fighting for freedom around the world. Whenever holidays like this come to my mind, I think of my dad and my grandfather. My dad served in Vietnam. He doesn't talk about it much, and that's okay, but I know he went through a lot to help those in need over there. He gave up a lot to go and serve. He lost some friends there too. I am so grateful for my dad and the courage he had to go and serve where he was needed. My grandfather was a soldier in World War II and in the Korean war. He is a remarkable man. Service in the armed forces is such a selfless thing. You go knowing that you might not come back, but you still go because you know that's where you are needed.
Anyway, these are the things I've been thinking about tonight as I'm alone with my thoughts. I hope everyone has a safe holiday and that you remember what it's really celebrating.
Right now, I'm trying to learn to dance in the rain. Sometimes I think life can be quite rainy. I am a very impatient person. Right now I'm praying that my body will decide to work and do it's job. I really want to add to our little family. Sometimes I'm scared to move forward with that though. You get this little baby, your first one, and you wonder how in the world you could ever have enough love in your heart to love another one as much as you love the first. It's strange. I guess it will work out on its own when I do finally get pregnant and we have another little one in the house, but right now it's just unfathomable to me.
It has been really strange for me having Dan at home. He has been home around 7:00 p.m. or 8:00 p.m. for the most part all of last week and tonight. It's so strange to have him home to be able to eat dinner with us. He hasn't been able to do that for the better part of almost three years. I guess I'll have to start cooking more again. I have gotten away from cooking each night because what's the point when it's you and a toddler...
This Friday is Independence Day. This holiday really means a lot to me and I always look forward to it. I love the festivities, the parades, the fireworks, the food, and being with family. My family always has a HUGE get together on the 4th. We have a great time together and are all exhausted when the day is over. Another part of it, for me anyway, is remembering the wonderful history of this country and how it really is a great place to live. We are allowed to do what we want/need to do in our lives. We are allowed to choose for ourselves. We owe that right of freedom to those who have fought and who are still fighting for freedom around the world. Whenever holidays like this come to my mind, I think of my dad and my grandfather. My dad served in Vietnam. He doesn't talk about it much, and that's okay, but I know he went through a lot to help those in need over there. He gave up a lot to go and serve. He lost some friends there too. I am so grateful for my dad and the courage he had to go and serve where he was needed. My grandfather was a soldier in World War II and in the Korean war. He is a remarkable man. Service in the armed forces is such a selfless thing. You go knowing that you might not come back, but you still go because you know that's where you are needed.
Anyway, these are the things I've been thinking about tonight as I'm alone with my thoughts. I hope everyone has a safe holiday and that you remember what it's really celebrating.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
It's SOOO Hot!
It was really hot today and the swamp cooler, while it is working better after a few minor adjustments, just wasn't cutting it this afternoon. I got paid, so I decided to take a car ride to put my check in the bank. After that, I went and got Ethan's haircut done at Cookie Cutters. I love that place. He did so well! He didn't cry and he didn't even move much! He still won't let them put the cape on him though...maybe next time.
One thing I hate about being home in the middle of the day are salespeople. I understand it's their job and I understand that they have to do it, but why pick me? I hate that. I had an alarm company's salespeople come to my door. I was upstairs working, but of course they didn't leave. The knocked again. Why were they encouraged you ask? It's summer. Summer at my house means direction of air and focusing that air to make the swamp cooler do it's job the best way it can. This means having the front door open with the screen shut and locked. If I'm upstairs, they know I'm home because the door is open. Also, if I'm downstairs it's kind of hard to not answer the door when they can see you through it! Oh well. At least they're gone now.
Another good thing today, the quest for a baby belly has reached its next step. I start my second round of Clomid today. Wish us luck!
One thing I hate about being home in the middle of the day are salespeople. I understand it's their job and I understand that they have to do it, but why pick me? I hate that. I had an alarm company's salespeople come to my door. I was upstairs working, but of course they didn't leave. The knocked again. Why were they encouraged you ask? It's summer. Summer at my house means direction of air and focusing that air to make the swamp cooler do it's job the best way it can. This means having the front door open with the screen shut and locked. If I'm upstairs, they know I'm home because the door is open. Also, if I'm downstairs it's kind of hard to not answer the door when they can see you through it! Oh well. At least they're gone now.
Another good thing today, the quest for a baby belly has reached its next step. I start my second round of Clomid today. Wish us luck!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
The Visitor...Men Can Skip This One...
I think this is the first time in a long time I'm glad I'm PMSing. It means the medicine worked and my body is doing what it's supposed to do! My "visitor" is usually unwelcome, but this time she is much appreciated. She should show up within the next few days. I never thought I would actually like to have her visit. It doesn't make it any easier to go through the emotional stuff, the chocolate cravings, etc., but at least I know my plumbing is working! It's weird to actually know when it's going to happen. That hasn't happened since I was on the pill. Yay!
Monday, June 16, 2008
We're On Our Way
Well, the doctors appointment went well. After talking to him I'm feeling a little better about things. As far as we can tell, my body is doing what it should for the time being. That's definately a good thing. So now we wait.
In other news, Ethan turns three this week! My little baby isn't a baby anymore!
Just A Little...
Today I'm freaking out...just a little. I go in to the doctor today. Somehow, however illogical it sounds, I'm afraid that I'm going to go in and he'll say, "Yup. You're broken. There's nothing we can do. Now on your way." I don't think that's really what will happen, but I'm still afraid. Worse still, I'm afraid he'll just say that he doesn't know for sure what's going on with me. Hopefully at least he'll have an idea of what's going on after I talk to him. I'm just nervous I guess about going. I need to go though. The ultimate goal is so important to me that I can't not go. So, back to being a little freaked out. Hopefully it's not justified.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Rain, Rain, Go Away....
It's June and we're having a bad thunderstorm again. I hate that. It's been at least once a week for the past month or so. I don't usually mind the rain, but there is some benefit to being able to go outside when you have a toddler with cabin fever. Oh well, I suppose we'll spend enough time out and about over the next couple of days after the storm blows over.
In other news, I'm still working on the seemingly neverending task that is catching up on housework. Things have been so busy with going to Idaho, etc. that I haven't had time to catch up on everything yet. I've made a dent by doing several loads of laundry and cleaning the kitchen, but I'm not done yet. Hopefully Hurricane Ethan will be mild today and I won't have too much catch up work to do before I can get down into the bulk of it today.
Things are going pretty well for us as of late. Dan has about two weeks left of school and then he is done! It's such a great feeling to have him almost done with his degree. He'll be able to start working as a nurse probably sometime in July. He'll also take the licensing exam in July, so it should be an eventful month for us. He graduates in June, but the ceremony isn't until the middle of July...and I'm making him go. He doesn't want to go and walk and do all of that, but I need a celebration of the end of it all, so I'm making him go. I told him we're inviting his parents, my parents, and we're going. Period. We're taking pictures, and he WILL smile holding his diploma. :) I think it's kind of funny that he doesn't want to go. I also think that if he doesn't go, he'll regret it at some point. Maybe this will be a good excuse to go to Rodizio Grill....mmm...bacon wrapped turkey....mmm...
As far as I go, things are going okay. My body seems to have realized what to do now and we're still working on adding to our little family. Hopefully it happens soon. I don't want Ethan and the rest of our kiddies to be too far apart.
Sorry this post is so sporadic...that's just how I'm feeling this morning.
In other news, I'm still working on the seemingly neverending task that is catching up on housework. Things have been so busy with going to Idaho, etc. that I haven't had time to catch up on everything yet. I've made a dent by doing several loads of laundry and cleaning the kitchen, but I'm not done yet. Hopefully Hurricane Ethan will be mild today and I won't have too much catch up work to do before I can get down into the bulk of it today.
Things are going pretty well for us as of late. Dan has about two weeks left of school and then he is done! It's such a great feeling to have him almost done with his degree. He'll be able to start working as a nurse probably sometime in July. He'll also take the licensing exam in July, so it should be an eventful month for us. He graduates in June, but the ceremony isn't until the middle of July...and I'm making him go. He doesn't want to go and walk and do all of that, but I need a celebration of the end of it all, so I'm making him go. I told him we're inviting his parents, my parents, and we're going. Period. We're taking pictures, and he WILL smile holding his diploma. :) I think it's kind of funny that he doesn't want to go. I also think that if he doesn't go, he'll regret it at some point. Maybe this will be a good excuse to go to Rodizio Grill....mmm...bacon wrapped turkey....mmm...
As far as I go, things are going okay. My body seems to have realized what to do now and we're still working on adding to our little family. Hopefully it happens soon. I don't want Ethan and the rest of our kiddies to be too far apart.
Sorry this post is so sporadic...that's just how I'm feeling this morning.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
That Fateful Call
I was mentioning in a previous post that I had gotten a good phone call...some of you may know we're trying to add a little munchkin to our midst. Well, that hasn't been going so great. It seems my body doesn't agree to that decision just yet. I've been working on this with my OB's office, but we can't seem to get my body to cooperate and ovulate (wow...that kind of rhymed). We've been trying for a new kiddo for about six months now and nothing has stuck.
My call was from my doctor. He decided not just to induce my cycle this time, but he's given me a ...gasp... fertility drug to kickstart my ovulation. Hopefully this works. Also, no worries, it's a low dose so I'm not going to end up with like 18 at one time or anything...also if that happened I would drop dead because I have visions of little Ethans running around and climbing on top of me...and devouring me...also some of them are yelling, "Get out of my house!" like Ethan does when he gets mad at me.
I know we haven't been trying that long and that we already have one little blessing, but it's just frustrating when you can't get your body to do what it's supposed to do as a "woman." Hopefully this little kickstart is what it needs to realize...oh wait, am I supposed to be doing something now? Also, I know like four people who are pregnant now so maybe some of that dust will rub off on me, or maybe I should just go up and lick them, although that wouldn't be pleasant for me, or for them so we'll shelf that idea for now.
Anyway, all in all, I'm set with the it will happen eventually and at least we're doing something with it phase. If it doesn't happen, I'm okay too. I love Ethan and wouldn't trade him for anything...most of the time.
My call was from my doctor. He decided not just to induce my cycle this time, but he's given me a ...gasp... fertility drug to kickstart my ovulation. Hopefully this works. Also, no worries, it's a low dose so I'm not going to end up with like 18 at one time or anything...also if that happened I would drop dead because I have visions of little Ethans running around and climbing on top of me...and devouring me...also some of them are yelling, "Get out of my house!" like Ethan does when he gets mad at me.
I know we haven't been trying that long and that we already have one little blessing, but it's just frustrating when you can't get your body to do what it's supposed to do as a "woman." Hopefully this little kickstart is what it needs to realize...oh wait, am I supposed to be doing something now? Also, I know like four people who are pregnant now so maybe some of that dust will rub off on me, or maybe I should just go up and lick them, although that wouldn't be pleasant for me, or for them so we'll shelf that idea for now.
Anyway, all in all, I'm set with the it will happen eventually and at least we're doing something with it phase. If it doesn't happen, I'm okay too. I love Ethan and wouldn't trade him for anything...most of the time.
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