Improvement

I've begun working on the never ending quest to improve myself again this week.  I've been to the gym twice this week and I know I'm definitely going to feel today's workout tomorrow...I can already feel it now.  I'm working on sleeping better and I think I'm making headway.  The past two nights I have just waited until my body was ready to go to sleep...it wasn't ready until 5:00 a.m. the first night and then 4:00 a.m. last night (this morning).  I guess I'm making progress! 

At this rate, I might go to bed at a normal hour sometime next year.  I know it's coming, but it's in my nature to be impatient.  It's in my DNA.  Once I make a decision on something, I want to make it happen immediately.  I see no reason to wait.  It's especially annoying when things like science or the laws of time and space override my will.  The workouts are helping with my anxiety levels.  I can already tell that, but of course, patience is not my forte.  As far as sleeping goes, I guess I don't have a choice.  I can't force things.  I have to let them happen.  I think they are headed in the right direction.

Here's hoping...

Love One Another

I have wondered lately why people choose to shun others that don't believe the same way they do.  There are wonderful people in all faiths.  There are wonderful people who don't believe in a particular faith either.  I'm LDS myself, and I hope that those around me, both LDS and not, would choose to love me either way.  I have my beliefs and they have theirs.  I love them regardless.  Whatever they believe is between them and God.  It's not my business unless they choose to make it so.

There is only so much room in this world and people aren't always going to see eye to eye.  Even if I don't agree with someone, I can still love them and enjoy their spirit.  Christ said to love one another as I have loved you.  That is the core principal of my faith.  So, even if I don't agree with you or have questions about how you're living your life, I still love you and hope you would do the same if you don't agree with me. 

If we're going to live in this world together, we have to respect the journey each individual takes as they move along in life.  Each person has their own personal journey.  I choose to respect that.

Mommy's Heart

You want to save your kids from ever feeling any pain or anything bad.  This is easy in the early years, they're with you most of the time.  When they're little, a kiss and a hug fixes everything.  They're back up, running, playing, and happy.  When they're bigger and off to school it gets a little more tough.  They go to school, they're away from home more.  You worry about things like how the other kids will treat your kid, whether or not they'll have their feelings hurt, or whether or not those around them will understand just how special they are. 

It's hard to accept the fact that, as parents, we can't protect them all the time.  We learned all of these things when we were kids and our parents were there to pick up the pieces.  Sometimes a kiss and a hug still fix everything and, if not, I'll be there to keep trying.  Love you buddy.

Legal Notice

Ethan: Sydney, I just made this note for you. It says Sydney be quiet. You can have it.

Update

So, I thought I'd update on my progress thus far.  It has been a rough couple of days, to say the least.  I'm hanging in there and I seem to be seeing light at the end of the tunnel as far as my sleeping goes. 

I have tried to be active during the days, and I'm feeling more like myself.  I'm also hoping for a change in Dan's hours at some point in the next few months.  Having a non-vampiric schedule should help as well.  My anxiety and OCD are a daily, if not hourly some days, battle.  I know, barring a miraculous event, it will always be that way. I'm okay with that most of the time.  I find great solace and happiness in my family and friends.  My kids are a riot.  Sydney even tried to put me on time out yesterday.  Too funny.

Until next time....

OCD, GAD, and Insomnia...Oh My!

Well, it has been a while since I have written.  I want to change that, but we'll see if I actually follow through.  I have been suffering from insomnia for about the past two years, since Sydney was born.  I've tried various things and, most recently, I have been taking Ambien to help me sleep.  While this was a wonderful relief for me in the beginning, I have decided to try to get off of it.  I don't want to be dependent on it. 

I know my anxiety disorder requires treatment and I'm fine with that, but my sleeping was fine before I had Sydney.  My anxiety disorder (GAD) and OCD may make it difficult, but I talked to my doctor and they say I can stop the pills without tapering off.  I may have insomnia for a few days, but should get back to normal within a week, hopefully sooner.  Here's to some sweet dreams...hopefully.