I just felt like blogging today, so here I am. There are a lot of things running through my head right now, not unusual for me, but still. Anyway, things are going well at our house. We're just going on with the day to day stuff as usual, trying to get by. I'm trying to be a good mother and a good wife. I'm trying to be a better person. The past few nights I've started reading my scriptures more. I was doing really well with that, but have slacked off in recent months. It was nice to get back to it.
Right now, I'm in awe of what the forces of nature are capable of. I actually have an old friend in Japan right now. She lives here, but is Japanese and was there for a visit. She was there for the quake and lis looking for a way home now. Anyway, seeing the devistation of that tsunami and the aftermath has me awestruck. I pray for the people in Japan that they will find peace, whatever their situation, with the continuing effects of this tragedy.
In times of woe, people often like to blame God. God doesn't cause these things to happen. He is not punishing the world. These things happen and God does what he can to comfort us in our time of need. He will bless us in the way we need to be blessed...now that might not be the way we want to be blessed. We might wish for another outcome. I think this goes for anything in life. God will help us overcome our trials and be better for them. Losing so many people is something I can't even wrap my head around, but God is there for them just like he is there for all of us. Like the quote says, "Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms his child."
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Worried About Everything....and Nothing
I guess that title can be totally loaded. As I sit here at the computer during a "quiet" moment, the kids are asleep and laundry is going. My mind is going a mile a minute. I hate when I can't "switch off." Anxiety disorder and OCD are very strange things. You get so caught up in the adrenalline you can't focus on anything unless you make yourself. I feel like I need to run at a sprint for about 15 minutes straight. That's kind of how I feel right now. The weird part is there's NOTHING wrong...absolutely NOTHING. It's not only weird, it's annoying.
When I'm switched "on" there's so much going on in my head and physiologically. Sometimes it can be really overwhelming. Thankfully, I haven't had an anxiety attack this time, those aren't fun at all, but the feeling like I'm all over the place isn't so fun either.
I get so angry with myself and my body when I'm like this. I just wish I could understand why. Why do I have this? Why couldn't I have another (easier) trial? I logically know that if I had another trial it would be just as difficult, but still...a girl can dream right? When I'm in the midst of the panic and anxiety it feels like everything is hightened. I'm hypersensitive to feelings. I'm running around doing everything and accomplishing nothing...that's how it feels anyway.
I need to get back into doing the things that alleviate my stress or my body's percieved stress. Exercise is one of them. I've been so sick for the past two months I haven't been able to go to the gym much. I'm hoping now that spring is almost here and I'm almost completely over my last cold that should change. Right now I'm breathing. Writing has actually helped, as it usually does.
Breathing and focusing on what is going on right now...it might seem simple, it might seem like something some people take for granted, but now I have to revel in the now...
When I'm switched "on" there's so much going on in my head and physiologically. Sometimes it can be really overwhelming. Thankfully, I haven't had an anxiety attack this time, those aren't fun at all, but the feeling like I'm all over the place isn't so fun either.
I get so angry with myself and my body when I'm like this. I just wish I could understand why. Why do I have this? Why couldn't I have another (easier) trial? I logically know that if I had another trial it would be just as difficult, but still...a girl can dream right? When I'm in the midst of the panic and anxiety it feels like everything is hightened. I'm hypersensitive to feelings. I'm running around doing everything and accomplishing nothing...that's how it feels anyway.
I need to get back into doing the things that alleviate my stress or my body's percieved stress. Exercise is one of them. I've been so sick for the past two months I haven't been able to go to the gym much. I'm hoping now that spring is almost here and I'm almost completely over my last cold that should change. Right now I'm breathing. Writing has actually helped, as it usually does.
Breathing and focusing on what is going on right now...it might seem simple, it might seem like something some people take for granted, but now I have to revel in the now...
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Our Own Stuff
I guess in this life we all have our own "stuff" to deal with. Some people live their lives in wheelchairs, some have learning disabilities, some have anxiety, some have financial problems, the list goes on and on...but today was a reminder that my son will always have "stuff" to deal with, something I'm all too familiar with...anxiety. He seems to be adjusting well, but every now and again we'll have a blip on the radar. Today was a blip. He's incredibly smart and learns so quickly, but socially, he is definitely lacking sometimes. When he gets into a situation where he feels anxious, threatened, or doesn't understand the other kids it's hard for him. It's hard for me to deal with too, which is totally about me, not him.
He's fine. He's a wonderful little boy and I love him dearly, but I can't help feeling responsible for his "stuff" sometimes. We are genetically related after all. Of course, in the scheme of things he'll be fine and I will too, but it's just frustrating sometimes. I wish there were a magic button to be pushed that would make it better or help me understand it better. I don't know if understanding it would make the situation any better or worse, but at least I would feel like I could do something, like there was something I could quantify. If I could quantify it, I could fix it...in theory. People are much more complicated than all that. A plus B doesn't necessarily equal C when it comes to people and our issues. Today, my prayer is for strength to be what he needs me to be and do what he needs me to do to overcome his issues. I guess that's the hope for any mother, but it's really on my mind today.
He's fine. He's a wonderful little boy and I love him dearly, but I can't help feeling responsible for his "stuff" sometimes. We are genetically related after all. Of course, in the scheme of things he'll be fine and I will too, but it's just frustrating sometimes. I wish there were a magic button to be pushed that would make it better or help me understand it better. I don't know if understanding it would make the situation any better or worse, but at least I would feel like I could do something, like there was something I could quantify. If I could quantify it, I could fix it...in theory. People are much more complicated than all that. A plus B doesn't necessarily equal C when it comes to people and our issues. Today, my prayer is for strength to be what he needs me to be and do what he needs me to do to overcome his issues. I guess that's the hope for any mother, but it's really on my mind today.
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