Worried About Everything....and Nothing

I guess that title can be totally loaded. As I sit here at the computer during a "quiet" moment, the kids are asleep and laundry is going. My mind is going a mile a minute. I hate when I can't "switch off." Anxiety disorder and OCD are very strange things. You get so caught up in the adrenalline you can't focus on anything unless you make yourself. I feel like I need to run at a sprint for about 15 minutes straight. That's kind of how I feel right now. The weird part is there's NOTHING wrong...absolutely NOTHING. It's not only weird, it's annoying.

When I'm switched "on" there's so much going on in my head and physiologically. Sometimes it can be really overwhelming. Thankfully, I haven't had an anxiety attack this time, those aren't fun at all, but the feeling like I'm all over the place isn't so fun either.

I get so angry with myself and my body when I'm like this. I just wish I could understand why. Why do I have this? Why couldn't I have another (easier) trial? I logically know that if I had another trial it would be just as difficult, but still...a girl can dream right? When I'm in the midst of the panic and anxiety it feels like everything is hightened. I'm hypersensitive to feelings. I'm running around doing everything and accomplishing nothing...that's how it feels anyway.

I need to get back into doing the things that alleviate my stress or my body's percieved stress. Exercise is one of them. I've been so sick for the past two months I haven't been able to go to the gym much. I'm hoping now that spring is almost here and I'm almost completely over my last cold that should change. Right now I'm breathing. Writing has actually helped, as it usually does.

Breathing and focusing on what is going on right now...it might seem simple, it might seem like something some people take for granted, but now I have to revel in the now...