The 28th Day...

For those of you who have ever had to "try" to get pregnant, you'll know how significant that day is. Though most women don't have 28 day cycles, it's usually the first day people are like, "Okay, I can test now." I was one of those women this morning. Unfortunately, the result was negative. I don't know if that will change in a few days or if I'll get a visit from dear old "Aunt Flo" in a few days. As they say...the waiting is the hardest part.

A littany of emotions evoke themselves when waiting for that little line to appear...or not appear. I know I want to be pregnant. I know I want to add to our family. There's always the initial disappointment when that line doesn't appear. It seems kind of silly thinking about it objectively though...peeing on a little stick and hovering while waiting to see if it will have a line or not, holding it up to the light, looking at it closely at different angles to see if you can even see a hint of a line.

It's been almost a year since we started trying to have another baby. I feel like I'll have more kids eventually, but I'm afraid I won't. That's a hard position to be in.

Each month, as time passes and my body does or doesn't do what it's supposed to do, I wait. I am grateful for what I have though. I can't imagine going through this not knowing if I would ever have ANY children at all. I've been trying to pass this "waiting" phase with various projects, cleaning, excercising, etc. I've been working on being a better "me." I think that has helped me take some of the focus off of my uterus.

Here's to waiting...