I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've been thinking about where I am in my life, where I want to be in my life, my faith, my family, and Heavenly Father's plan for me. I know that God only gives us what we can handle. I know I'll get pregnant eventually, but I'm content right now knowing that I'm following the plan God has for me. It's just not time yet. Sounds simple, but it took a lot of work internally to come to that realization. It's funny, I was just asking, "Why me?" a few days ago, and now I guess I got my answer.
I know in my heart that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church on this Earth. I know that God loves me personally and knows me personally. He knows me better than I even know myself. I know that, when the time is right, we'll bring another little one into our family. The time is just not right, right now. That's not to say that we're stopping trying or anything. I want to give Him every opportunity to allow me to become a mother for a second time. The road of infertility can be frustrating and taxing on the spirit. We get frustrated because we don't know everything right now and because we can't have everything fixed right now. That's human nature I guess....at least it is for me. I'll continue on with my plans to get whatever it is that is not happening with my body to happen, but I've decided I'm not going to stress out about it anymore. It's too much work! Stress takes a real toll on me. Besides, I've got other things to do. I've decided I'm too busy for stressing out over this anymore. I know that I'm a Daughter of God. He loves me for who I am now and who I will be in the future. He knows my impatient spirit and I'm sure he gets a good chuckle out of it sometimes. If that's one thing I'm supposed to learn in this life, it's patience. It's not one of my strong suits.
Anyway, if this sounds rambling, I'm sorry. It's 12:40 a.m. and I should be in bed, but obviously I'm not...I'm typing. I was just thinking this and sometimes things seem so clear in a quiet house with my boys asleep in bed. I wanted to write it down before I forgot it, which is likely given my sleep deprived state. I had a clearing of my mind tonight. I don't believe that was coincidence...it was an answer to prayers. I finally know the why...however simple it is.
2 comments:
Hey Alesha! I'm glad that you are in a better place with your 'trials'. I hope all the best!!
Wow that was deep. I am glad that you are trusting in God...he knows what is best and when it is right. Not many people allow him in their hearts like you have, and he does know you, and I am sure he does get a kick from you. But I am sure you brought a tear to his eye as you did mine with your written testimonial. It is beautiful, and so are you. Love ya, Girl, Loran
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