Gone With The Wind - The Book

Well, I finished it, all 1445 pages. I believe it's probably the longest book I've read. I have to say, I can see why this book is revered as an important piece of American literature. I have read Civil War period pieces before, but never from a Southern perspective. I throroughly enjoyed getting into the lives and heads of those characters in the book. I have to say that sometimes Scarlett is annoyingly selfish, but she does grow and change in the book. She meets her match in Rhett Butler, but is too blinded by her childhood crush to see it.

I loved this book even more than I loved the movie. I can see myself reading it over and over again, even knowing the ending. I loved the characters, well most of them....I was annoyed by Ashley, but that's another story. I loved the story line. I loved the history of the book. To read about the battles of Vicksburg, Gettysburg, etc. was facinating. Reading about the fall of Atlanta when General Sherman marched through was interesting as well.

This story starts out with Scarlett as a young Southern belle at the ripe old age of 16. All she has to worry about in life is how many boys she can string along. It ends with Scarlett at 28 going through marriages, widowhood, children, friends dying, being driven from her home, almost starving, and finding her way back up to be able to support herself and her family. Scarlett grows and changes in this book. She is not some romantic character who always does or thinks the right things. She is not very noble and does most things to meet her own ends, but you get a real view into the way we all are sometimes.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who loves literature and a great story. Excellent book!

In Case You're Wondering....

About my last post...I'm just frustrated. I'm frustrated with the whole infertility thing. My body has had a child before, why can't it do it again? What am I supposed to be learning from this? Why is it that druggie women who have had four children taken away from them can have yet a fifth drug addicted baby? I don't know the answers to any of these questions and that is what is so frustrating. I guess that's why I'm here on this Earth, to learn answers to questions. I just don't understand why, if He has control over everything, He can't or won't fix this for me. I guess that's horrible to say, but that's how I feel about it.

As for my post yesterday, I had just gotten off the phone with the nurse at my doctor's office. She happily informed me that she would call in my prescription of Clomid with one more refill beyond this. After that, I'll be referred to a "fertility specialist." So the clock is ticking. I do NOT want to enter that world of fertility shots, more drugs, etc. Why can't it just happen?

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for my life. I'm grateful for my family and I'm grateful for my son. I'm trying to see the positive things in life, but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to feel frustrated every now and then. This world of "unexplained infertility" is not an easy world to live in. The fact is, it's not the world I would've chosen to live in.

The other night Dan and I were talking about this very thing. I think in order to be happy I have to just look at other things. Yes, I can still be upset about this challenge in my life, but it's not good for me, for Dan, or for Ethan for me to dwell on it all of the time. I can't let it take over my life. If I do, I'll be miserable and no good to anyone.

Does this mean I'm giving up on getting pregnant? Nope. I'm still going to do everything the doctors tell me to do. I'm still going to take the pills and whatever else they give me to take. I'm still going to watch and wait and hope each month. I've just got to figure out a way not to get discouraged and devastated each month when it doesn't happen. Will I ever figure that out? I don't know. Again, this life experience is all about answering questions.

I have faith that someday I will be pregnant and have a child again. I know in my heart that someday it will happen. Someday can't come soon enough for me now though. I'm trying to be patient, but it isn't in my genetics to be so.

Here's hoping for some answers...

We're Doomed...

If we suddenly had a nuclear hollocaust today and I was the last woman on Earth...and it was up to me to save the human race....we'd be doomed.

That is all.

My Week...

Besides being an emotional wreck, things have been pretty good this week. I'm on the up swing with emotions one minute and a down swing the next, so either I'm crazy, going to start my period, or pregnant. I have yet to find out which of these are the right answer.

Anyway, my O2 sensor went out in my car this week. I had the dreaded "Service Engine Soon" light come on in my car. The first thought that went through my mind, after the initial dread that the light going on brings, was, "We just serviced the engine by buying a new one? What could it need now?" Anyway, my dad and his friend Frank (who were both awesome for coming over on short notice) came over and hooked Frank's diagnostic computer up to my car. Frank is a mechanic, and a very good one, so I was glad they came over. Low and behold, the computer said that the O2 sensor was out. I had called Big O Tires earlier in the day to find out what it would cost for at least a diagnostic with the computer, $79.99. I said I thought it was my O2 sensor, they said that would probably be around $175, including the $79.00 in that price. Needless to say, I was a little stressed. We just don't have that kind of money right now to plop down. Anyway, after Frank diagnosed the car for us, my dad was able to hook me up with the part for a great price of $45 and Dan put it in this morning. Thank goodness for the handy men in my life. I know that's something I couldn't have done on my own. Now our "dependable" car is dependable again.

We went to the circus on Wednesday night. Ethan had a really great time. He was a little overwhelmed when we first took him in though. It was just too loud and there were lights and stuff. He didn't really remember going from last year, I think. He loved the tigers. He also loved the motorcycles in the sphere. My mom spoiled him, of course, and got him one of those lights. This year, it was the one with the motorcycles in the sphere...he took it to bed with him. It was really nice to go out as a family. Dan hasn't really ever gotten to do anything like that with us before. It's usually just Ethan and I. We had a really fun time. I haven't uploaded the pics from my camera yet, but I'll post them as soon as I do. I think we're going to make the circus a yearly tradition at my house, especially if KSL keeps sponsoring the first night and making all the seats $10. We had really great seats in the lower bowl!

All in all, this week has been pretty good. We've just been hanging out trying to do our normal things. We did the shopping last night at Sam's Club, which Ethan loves. I got to watch the new episode of The Office last night and the new ER, both of which made me immensely happy, especially The Office. Awesome!!!

Here's to praying my emotions stay on the up swing...

Circus fries are yummy!